Still struggling

So I am still struggling to get attached to this little bean inside me. I love it and I pray every night this bean will be ok. But I still just don't feel excited yet. I know its mostly fear of something being wrong again. I am 10 weeks and 1 day now, and my NT scan is in 2 weeks and 1 day. Im nervous, but hopeful. Its odd really. I can't help the fear of something being wrong even though I feel like everything is fine. It seems backwards.

On a good note, I am all finished with my Progesterone shots. Its kind of nice, now I just need to wait for the feeling to come back into m butt cheeks.