what else is new {losing it yet again}

So, today I feel like I hit a wall. Later I will write more about what I read about the MTHFR. That broke me down a bit.

Anyway, today I woke in a terrible mood. Last night I was really cranky because my sister (visiting for 6 weeks) was being very strong willed and just over the top. So I woke up and was really short tempered all day. I realized it but couldn't control it. I figured its just bloods on there way. I mean its only about 5 days till I start and I've been getting shorter so it will likely be sooner.

Then I changed into comfy clothes. I took off my bra and my boobs just hurt. The first time in so long that it was my boob and not just the nip. So I questioned it. I started grabbing on to anything hoping it could mean what I hoped. However I know its no good to do so because it just makes it worse. I even found myself asking G.o.d. To let this finally e our turn. I know that's now how it works but whatever.

I'm just so sick of this. Its too far to see a fertility Dr and too soon to do adoption papers. I'm just at a wall where I have absolutely no control.

I feel like I'm losing it.