First craving

I did it. 

I fell victim to my first pregnancy craving. And I gave in. 

Tonight out of nowhere I could think of nothing other than bacon. Seriously bacon. I don't eat much bacon except on occasion when I eat breakfast out. I've only cooked one pack of bacon since we've moved here. And I've enjoyed it. 

So today I craved bacon. And man was it delicious. I've always loved salty foods. Been eating a lot of pretzel crisps too. 

Wonder where this is going. 

Gender feelings

I haven't had any feelings yet on what we're having but today I had this "feeling" it's a boy. And as much as I want a girl I'm surprised that the thought of another boy doesn't sadden me. I love raising my little man and for him to have a brother would be pretty awesome too. 

Poem to Ruth

"To the Child in my Heart"

O precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure, and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and of your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.
We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.
I'll always be your mother.
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.
But now you're gone...but yet you're here.
We'll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy.
There's love in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We'll forget you never-
The child we had, but never had,
And yet we'll have forever.
Author: Unknown

Pregnancy announcement and gender reveal ideas

Trying to not lose track of my thoughts.

The rumors are true - it's time for baby #2
Juice it up cups in multiple sizes
Leiland with chalkboard announcing
Leiland with ultrasound picture
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...oh what fun it is to say "a baby's on the way!

Gender reveal:
Photoshoot with pink or blue balloon coming out of a box
Send Tim a box of balloons pink and blue, make him pop them to reveal the gender.
Send Trevor a banner or something to announce the gender
Send Tim cake in a jar, pink or blue
Send Tim a compilation video of Leiland, and at the end have him announce gender

5 Weeks Pregnant

Today is 5 weeks pregnant. I have known for about 10 days now. It feels like longer, yet it all feels so slow at the same time. Leiland has been off lately and I think he is getting molars, so I have just been trying to get by. I was having slight nausea off and on through the day, but that seems to mostly be gone now. I'm slightly more tired then usual, and my boobs have a tinge or soreness, but its not even close to bad. I'm still really nervous. I can't make that feeling go away. I feel like this pregnancy is going to be ok, but then I am still nervous all the time.

I told Leiland there was a baby in my belly. He asks to hold it, and calls it his baby. Its so stinkin cute. Then today he started saying there was a baby in his belly. One silly boy he is.

Feeling pregnant

So today I began feeling pregnant. I made eggs for breakfast and like all my other pregnancies they just didn't taste right. Even made me gag. This has made me feel more pregnant than the sore boobs and slight nausea I've been having. But considering I'm not even 5 weeks along its understandable. 

Beta #2

Got yesterdays beta results (yesterday) and my number was 127. The nurse said that was a good number. So I have an ultrasound scheduled for August 9th. Im still nervous, but trying to not worry too much.

Babysitter Interview

Today Leiland and I are meeting with a potential baby sitter. We are going to meet at Denny's for breakfast at 8:30. I have now realized that is entirely too long for me to wait to eat breakfast.

Hopefully this is a good click for us. We are in need of someone pretty quick.

Beta #1 results

My HCG today was 53.

Not going to lie, I am NERVOUS. Its not a great number, but its not as bad as last time either. It was 8 last time. But I am worried and nervous.

Ruth Beta
12 DPO - 29
15 DPO - 114

Leiland Beta
13 DPO - 147
16 DPO - 395

IVF #3

IVF #4
13 DPO - 53

Crochet bear hat

Today during Leiland's nap, I decided to crochet a little bear hat for the baby. I know its SO super early, but the yarn was just sitting there, so I gave it a go.

Look how cute???

I used this pattern...

The only change I would make, is to so a single crochet around the bottom instead of a slip stitch. The slip stitch doesn't leave much room to stretch.

6dp5dt pregnancy test "11 dpo"

Today test, darker than yesterday - this makes me hopeful.

Oh the two week wait (2ww)

The joys of the 2ww are torturous. If you have even gone through trying to conceive you understand the torments of the 2ww. Infertility makes it so much worse. And us doing IVF? EVER worse. How is that possible? Simple. I KNOW there are two embryos inside me. I am closer to pregnant than I have been in all those years of 2ww's. Because I actually know there is a REAL possibility of it. So the other day when I

 - got nauseous from drinking mountain dew, I question if I am pregnant.
 - got nauseous again from eating, I question if I am pregnant.
 - felt a sore boob, I questioned if I am pregnant. (and poked and proded the rest of the night)
 - contemplated making a sandwich and a pickle sounded delicious. I question if I am pregnant.
 - bake cookies and smell nothing but the walnuts, I question if I am pregnant.

All I do is ponder, guess, and daydream about the possibilities.

Ah, the 2ww. Thankfully it isn't truly 2 weeks to wait. From transfer to my first HCG Beta its only 8 days. I do think I just MIGHT have to POAS on Sunday, and that would be 10 DPO or 5dp5dt.

Post transfer - IVF #4, FET #2

So yesterday everything went great. We arrived a little too early but it worked out because I got to pee before the procedure. I am always WAY too full. So I went to the bathroom and was able to refill my bladder before going it. And I still had to go terribly bad when finished. It also gave Tim and I some time to hang out and relax. I haven't been able to spend that many hours one on one with Tim is a VERY long time. We dropped Leiland off at 8:45 and when we picked him up he passed on right away in the car, and slept till 5pm. So I had the better part of the day with just the two of us.

Shortly after arriving the embryologist came in to tell us the 2 blasts they thawed survived the thaw but we both still compacted. She said they could take anywhere from 30 minutes to 6 hours to expand, but it wasn't a bad thing necessarily. So we had 2 - 1 Grade 1 and one Grade 2 to put in. We walked into the procedure room and checked to be sure my bladder was full enough. It was full enough to flatten my uterus. So we were good. The embryologist came in again to give a little more info. While in I asked her opinion on if it was better to do a 5dt with frozen over 3dt. Last time we thawed 4 3 day embryos and 2 didn't advance, the other two were not great quality. She explained that if they freeze on day 5 they tend to thaw better, and survive better. Because some froze on day 3 may not make it to day 5 if they were going to freeze them or transfer them, so the 5 days were stronger if they made it. This worried Tim. He took it as that means they are more likely to survive in me and more likely to produce twins. And that might be the case. I will welcome it with open arms if thats the case. We shall see.

Once home yesterday I did pretty good resting, and Tim was really helpful with Leiland. Today Tim is out of town. Its only 9:30 and I feel like I have already done too much. But I have a child - alive and breathing - I have to tend to him. I have a friend coming over for a few hours to help, so that should be good.

As far as how I feel, just cramping a light - medium amount. Nothing crazy, but praying for some sticky embryos.

Off to rest and relax a little more.

U/S from transfer

IVF #4 update

I really suck at blogging lately. So anyway this is an update all in one fell swoop.

June 14 - period started
June 18 - saw RE and started estrogen patches every 3 days. 
June 26 - ultrasound shows a mass in uterus about 34mm
June 29 - MRI 
July 2 - dr office calls to schedule ultrasound for Wednesday. 
July 3 - ultrasound looks good
July 9 - transfer day - planning for 2 embryos

So today is the 8th. Tomorrow is the transfer. Life has been crazy. 

The mass was a huge issue. It was thought to be a fibroid or adenoma. The MRI showed its an adenoma. I don't know much about it other than there is nothing we can do to get rid of it. So we proceed on. Had it been a fibroid it would have needed surgery and 3 months recovery before beginning ivf again. So onward. 

Finding a sitter for tomorrow was tough. It really is terrible not having anyone I can rely on for things like this when I just can not take him with me. But I found someone it's just not someone he knows well. I think he will do ok though. 

So yes on to two more embryos going in. Praying they thaw ok and are good quality. They will be using 5day embryos from Leilands fresh cycle. We lost 4 in the last cycle (2 in thaw) so just praying things go better this time. 

Before the issue with having a mass I wasn't as worried it wouldn't work but more worried about another loss. Every cycle has taken just not always a healthy baby. So now with the mass I'm terrified of it not even taking. So I'm praying hard. 

I'm still very nervous about another possible issue with another loss but I'm trying not to discus too far ahead right now. 

First beta is scheduled for the 17th. 

Stick babies.

U/S picture from 6/26/2013 of Adenoma